you bloody ripper!

I get bored. I get entrenched in editing. Studying wears out my brain. So on the odd occasion, I need to give the head a break.

Enter stage left – pen golf.

Now, if you have never played pen golf before, it’s really quite simple.

1. Design your own course complete with holes, trees, water hazards and a compulsory drink station, or three.
2. Each player can grab their own club, eh, pen, or in the name of sharing, just pull out one from your back pocket and you will definitely all be on an even par. There’s no advantage in pen golf, unless a pen leaks you won’t get stuck in a hazard for too long.
3. First pen golfer tee up at hole 1, stick the nib on the page, hold it down with one finger and flick with whichever finger you think is going to get you that hole in one. Wherever, the line stops, you’ll tee off next round. Caution: hazards can occur off the course if pen is flicked too hard and pokes fellow player in the eye. So play fair.
4. Player two, come on down.
5. All other players, flick as hard as you can.
6. If you’ve thrown in drink stations into the course, anytime a player hits or passes one of these he must have a drink (disclaimer: we care about your need for rehydration and therefore recommend limiting yourself to below the legal limit.)
7. Repeat steps 3 to 6 until a player has made it to the last hole (or one didn’t follow the disclaimer and you have to give them a red flag).
8. Awards, celebrations and commiserations at the drink station.

A game of pen golf doesn’t take long. It can break the monotony of what you are doing. Clear the head to allow you to really focus. And cause you to laugh out loud. (Disclaimer: pen golf can cause bodily fluids to escape certain orifices… don’t say I didn’t warn you).

Game on.

You bloody ripper!

Step right out of the shower – it’s time to unleash your potential as a naked artist.

You need to get in quick – there’s no time to spare before the thoughts, messages and pictures of your quick wit and fast action make way for reality.

Don’t be in such a rush to clear the way for the morning preparations. Make some time to dig out that inner Dali and let loose on an audience of one.

And for those who may come after, love notes, to do lists, words of wisdom and big fat kisses are always welcome to be found on the frosted glass canvas of the bathroom gallery.

Finger painting just came back in vogue.

you bloody ripper!

Who cares when you live by yourself.

You can wear whatever you like. No matter what time of day it is.

No one will ever see you.

you bloody ripper!

Have you ever got things really around the wrong way?

How about a really bad red nose day?

I was invited to a 40^th birthday. Theme: starlets, harlots and madmen.

As the birthday girl had some very clear thoughts on one of our nation’s leaders, I thought it was an obvious costume choice. The foreboding airport sign was perhaps an indication it was not.

On arriving at the party, I realised there was a benefit of owning a television, which I did not. Knowledge.

The beehives and 60’s frocks were a dead giveaway that I’d totally missed the mark with my budgie smugglers and chest hair.

And yet, there was something quite refreshing about getting something wrong and braving the frolics of those in the know.

Perhaps it was a hint of satisfaction that madness, creativity and fun co-exist… in the right kind of way.

you bloody ripper!

“To all Tiger Airways customers. We wish to advise that flight TT5109 has been delayed for at least one hour due to engineering. Your flight will now be departing from gate 52. As this is a ten minute walk from your current departure area, we recommend that you wander aimlessly through the shops enroute and borrow (stealing is illegal in this country) some toothpicks from the food court to keep your eyes open. As we realise you will be getting in way past your bedtime and may be fearful that you could transform into a pumpkin, we sincerely apologise for any inconvenience and anger this will most definitely create. We totally appreciate you buying the cheapest ticket you could find to at least get you to and from your destination and although it’s a bummer your plane has malfunctioned, be assured we are doing our best to get you home, despite the fact you’ll be exhausted and have spent more money due to the requirement to catch a cab.  In the future, if our service can become more reliable or you simply  stay watching the pennies and expecting delays, we look forward to you flying with us again.”

“Dear Tiger Airways. Thank you for the delay in Flight TT5109. After I got over my nervous twitch and hoped you’d do the best job you could to fix the engineering situation, I saw this delay as an opportunity to kill time and explore my depth of patience. In an hour and a half, I managed to have a $2 foot massage in one of those comfy chairs, consume an icecream, get four more levels into my Angry Birds iPhone game, check out all the good looking boys in the terminal, run into an old work colleague heading back home to Ireland, read a few pages of Paprika Paradise, answer a few emails and grab a light dinner. Best of all, as I was leaving Sydney at a mild 25 degrees and heading to Melbourne and a chilly 8 degrees, I appreciate the opportunity to remove short skirt and replace with jeans, pack away thongs and throw on thick socks, boots and scarf, remove bra, and dig for travel pillow. And as the ticket was cheap, I had no right to complain, but instead, used some of those saved pennies and drowned my tiredness in a glass of sauvignon blanc.”

Yes, I’m always asking for more time. And when I finally got it, I used it. Each and every millisecond.

you bloody ripper!

Ok. So my secret ABBA crush is finally out there for the big wide world to snicker over. Either that, or my wonky eye.

Yes, I proudly raise my hand and admit I’ve seen Mama Mia the stage show and laughed, tapped my feet and wiggled my butt to Pierce and Meryl’s finest tunes.

But for some reason, I just never have enough. Either that or it’s been a while since random and ridiculous ruled my life and I needed to find them again. Right now. In Melbourne. Australia. Random and ridiculous where for art thou.

So, on a perfect Spring day after a leisurely Sunday brunch at La Camera, my wonderful friend Carol and I headed to where many others did not dare (or care) to tread.

With only one week to go before it moves on from Melbourne, how could we pass up the chance to sing and dance with Frida, Agnetha, Benny and Bjorn at the Australian premiere of AbbaWorld?

We couldn’t.

This was mainly due to the fact that we got to face off with our favourite group member (I was tempted to try out Bjorn’s pantsuit considering they are back in fashion… and he was hot) and continue to play our ABBA idol for the entire two hour experience – singing and dancing while we thought noone was watching.

Either that, or we just decided the day was too perfect not to take the opportunity to sing with the band.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-GgqbFximE&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]

My, my! Let me tell you that when you start thinking that standing in an empty room swaying and praying isn’t enough, imagine your excitement when you race home, type in your 22 number code to bring up access to all your images and film clips, and there you are, complete with your bad rhythm, out of time lip syncing and that ultimate ‘I’m having fun and noone but Carol can see me’ look.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITjuJfHbOLI&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]

We just didn’t want it to end….

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oFcdFnLAyk&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]

I must say that I feel really lucky that when all the stardom (and embarrassment) of our random and ridiculous Sunday begins to take over my life, I know I can simply jump in the helicopter and spend the rest of my life with Agnetha on an island far, far away.

We paid our Money, Money, Money

To be Dancing queens

Although One of Us

almost called out SOS

As it is such a Crazy World

Filled with Disillusion

But Just Like That

The Way Old Friends Do

We managed to sing to Waterloo

And asked many times Should I Laugh or Cry

So we called in backup from Fernando

And stayed positive with I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do

We still believe that People Still Need Love

And I only wish that someone would Take A Chance on Me

But to Benny, Bjorn, Ag and Frida

Thank you for the Music

And When All is Said and Done

Caz, you’re a Super Trouper

And The Name of the Game was for sure

you bloody ripper!

PS. I’m also really excited that I have a new photo to upload for internet dating purposes. Boys like long hair. Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man after Midnight).

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGeZ2N_GU-o&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]

Purple and green should never be seen. That is unless you’re five, receive a full makeup kit for your birthday, and decide to hide away in your bedroom for half an hour before your impending date with party pies, cake, balloons and pass the parcel.

The pure innocence of childhood replaces grown-up rules and fashion etiquette. A half hour of reckless abandonment replaces the need for detailed perfection.

Living for the moment and being just who you want to be, one bright colour at a time.

you bloody ripper!

It’s 7.30am.

I’m walking to work on a brisk Thursday morning. Nothing out of the ordinary from any other Monday – Friday 7.30am.

It was then a head popped out of a car window, I noted a cheesy grin and I heard a cry of “have a great day”.

It reminded me of when I stick my head out the window and moo at the cows.

you bloody ripper!

Where beauty is involved, it normally creeps through the cracks of every day life.

Working in a building site for the past two months, the cracks have had a way of creeping in every day.

May you be inspired to widen your cracks and let the beauty shine through.

you bloody ripper!