This month I’ve signed up to pause for a cause and have joined a one month meditation campaign, Mindful in May.

With a number of turbulent events happening in my life, a few weeks ago I was having difficulty sleeping. At 3.30am I felt the urge to pick up my iphone and within 15 minutes had typed my first ever poem. I then drifted off into a very deep sleep.

I’m still not sure exactly where Core came from, but sometimes what we need is shown to us from sources external to ourselves. Or perhaps in this case internal. I obviously needed to get back to core.

A few days later, I head about the Mindful in May campaign and was excited there was an opportunity for me to commit and redevelop a habit and connection with mindfulness. I sent Core off to the beautiful founder of MIM, Elise Bialylew and was honoured to be asked if the poem and my profile could be included in a future newsletter.

In appreciation of Mindful in May, this month’s blogs will be dedicated to mindfulness. Every second day, I will share my daily experiences of mindfulness. At the launch, we were given a journal with a specific focus each week, including being mindful of the body, breath, sounds, thoughts and others. As I normally pay attention to the small stuff (this blog is filled with it) I’m expecting to take the awareness to another level: to really feel and notice the sensations, thoughts and feelings of everything I do.

As to my thoughts on meditation? Here’s my response to Elise’s questions:

1. What led you to meditation?

With a right brain permanently on overdrive, for most of my life, my relationship with meditation has mostly been stop/start/stop. That was until 2008 when I was given a long-term diagnosis by a specialist. Rather than taking his words as gospel, I packed my bags and relocated to the country for 12 months. One day I was rugged up and when hearing a knock, struggled to the door. That opening changed my life, not only helping me to manage my symptoms, but the anxiety of not being able to do what I wanted to do. Behind the door, was a neighbour who also was a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) facilitator who just happened to be commencing a new course the following week. The eight week program helped ground me during a difficult time and the tools that I learned have proved invaluable ever since. I’d like to go back and tell that specialist instead of telling patients “life will never be the same” to direct them to other forms of wellness practices, like meditation, that can support people not only through difficult periods, but in every day life. I’d also like to tell him something else, but I don’t think I can write that here

2. What value has practising meditation brought to your life?

I must admit that I do still stop/start/stop. Although it is definitely a little less on the stop side and a little more on the STOPP (stop, take a breath, observe, proceed, practise) side. My right brain still wanders. My emotions still run a marathon most days. But by developing skills in mindful body awareness, I am learning to stop myself before the situation gets out of control. I have recently been through a number of stressful situations, and have filled my days with some long periods of silence to help reground and take back control.

Mindfulness is not about living in the now, but being in the now. It is about constantly drawing your attention back to what you are doing. I think people confuse that. You can be mindful while writing a business plan for a future project or reflecting on a past stressful time in your life. Mindfulness is being aware of what you are doing at any given time, and giving your attention to that. Guaranteed you will do a better job and enjoy things more if you’re not thinking about what you have to do tomorrow. Your relationships will be stronger, you will get more done and life will be so much more greater when you allow yourself to appreciate and observe everything that happens in your day.

3. How has meditation supported you in your professional life?

I find this a little more difficult as you may be able to control yourself, but it is more difficult when others are involved. When you are around others who don’t understand mindfulness, it is not easy to be influenced by their needs and pressing requirements. Others believe they are mindful, and yet are influenced by their iPhones letting them know there are messages/tweets/things to do… even when you are meeting them. I’d like to say that my mindfulness practise extends fully into my professional life, however, I do struggle with this. Like anything you want to be good at, you need to keep practising, so next time I want to rip someone’s phone away from them when in a meeting, or when someone says they’ll do something and they don’t, I just need to be more mindful of my response. And learn to mindfully let go.

4. What are the biggest obstacles to your practice? 

Learning how to manage your response, both internally and with communication, when others are constantly living a life behind or in front. I haven’t quite got there yet, but I continue to work on it.

Also, if I need some serious meditation time, I quite often withdraw from the world. With a world that continually takes us away from ourselves, it is not always so difficult to raise the hand for time out. It means educating those around you that you need space and your world doesn’t revolve around a phone or social media. I’ve written about this when I cleared my inbox to 0.  It’s still at 0 by the way. I’ve also started turning my phone off for 24 hour periods. It’s certainly a hands on the wheel approach to taking back control and clearing the road for getting things done more efficiently when you come back online. The world doesn’t stop. But you can.

5. What is a quote that most inspires you and why?

Quotes don’t particularly inspire me. Life does.

But I would like to share this poem that I have in my home office that was given to me during the MBSR course.

It’s about facing your fears so you don’t have to spend the rest of your life being afraid.

Because fear and regret are two of the saddest words in the English language.

Suppose what you fear
could be trapped
and held in Paris.

Then you would have the courage
to go everywhere in the world.
All the directions of the compass
open to you,
except the degrees east or west
of true north
that lead to Paris.

Still, you wouldn’t dare
to put your toes smack dab
on the city limit line.

And you’re not really willing to stand on a mountainside
miles away
and watch the Paris lights
come up at night.
And just to be on the safe side, you decide to stay completely
out of France.

But then danger
seems too close
even to those boundaries,
and you feel the timid part of you
covering the whole globe again.

You need the kind of friend
who learns your secret and says,
“See Paris first.”

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

To really have the best chance at living this life, you really need to understand what the essential is. The Little Prince encourages the reader to explore themselves and the outside world to find purpose, colour and the essentials of our individual life. As we grow up, we lose the exploring eyes of a child. What better way to find them than through an explorative narrative of the human experience via a children’s book.

And via mindfulness.

7. What mindful music do you listen to (ie. music that grabs your full attention and brings you into the moment.) 

Soul sung from soul inspires me. Anything sung from a place of self encourages the listener to reconnect and be mindful of self. Lately, I’ve been listening to Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu.

The right brain still works in overdrive and is stimulated by all creative outlets. I’m trying to teach myself the keyboard and I find that it does allow my mind to freeze frame, focussing on the chords and what music I can create. I also started sketching last year, and find this one of the most powerful forms of meditation for me. I don’t use an eraser, so I find the half hour I may spend doing a sketch completely transforms my mind to one of stillness as I focus on the image and seeing what I can create. At the end of the sketch I often wonder how I did it, particularly as I don’t seem to think… it just seems to flow.

There’s nothing more life-changing to find a form of meditation that totally brings you into the moment, allows your entire body and mind to flow and hits both the defrag and reset buttons all in one go.

So that’s why I’ve signed up for Mindful in May. A BIG thank you to Elise and Jenny for developing and facilitating such a wonderful initiative. I hope through my posts you may be encouraged to find out a little more about mindfulness – Mindful in May is certainly a wonderful starting point.

I’m excited about the extra small sensations and observances I am about to experience.

Actually, I think all those small things are only going to make my days a whole lot bigger.

you bloody ripper!

Got my teeny bag packed and I’m ready to go.

What? You’ve got a sleeping bag, clown pants, Elmo t-shirt and your butterfly hat is making a comeback? And they’re all in that bag?

It’s time for random and ridiculous to make a comeback!

I’m off to NSW on a road trip with four strangers, volunteering with Dr Froth at the Incredi-Bubble Festival in Corowa.

Travelling broadens the mind. Travelling takes one to new places. Travelling allows new experiences. But for some, a journey abroad is part of an inner journey – a journey that takes one deeper than that into an exotic jungle or into the narrow alleyways of a new city. It is a journey taken within. It is a journey of inner growth, personal motivation and inspiration.

A few years ago, I had the incredible privilege of taking people on challenge trips around the globe, away from their comforts, their securities and their every day lives.

Vicki’s story is one that I lived, heard and researched, both during the trip and after, particularly as I taped her feet each night and encouraged her to push through whatever it was that was holding her back.

Not only did Vicki embark on a journey to a foreign land, but she took a journey within and come back inspired, determined and with a new found belief in what she could achieve.

I thought it was about time to share her story, particularly as I plan on writing more bios of some inspirational change-makers.

Through this journey, it is hoped that you too will find your inner strengths, follow your dreams, harness your potential, find your passion and live every day vividly.

Be inspired by this journey within to live a life less ordinary, for the extraordinary is within us all. 

VICKI, 39

PERTH

There once was a woman named Vicki who for the first 15 years of her adult life spent it home alone. Work, then home, then bed, too scared to even go out to the pub for a drink with her work mates. Vicki used her family and her dog as an excuse to go home. Until no one asked anymore.

In January 2005, Vicki decided to undertake a challenge – to fundraise $5000 for Guide Dogs and complete a challenge trip in China. In May 2006, Vicki travelled 80km on the Great Wall of China and climbed one of China’s five holy Tao Mountains, Hua Shan. The following are five chapters of Vicki’s journey within.

PAIN

My life has always been unremarkable. In fact, it was boring. If I were to describe myself before the trip, it would definitely have to be lifeless. I have lived in Perth all my life, and worked in the same job for eight years. A self confessed couch potato weighing in at 140kg, I didn’t know what the word exercise meant. I was afraid to go out and mix with others. Why would I when I didn’t like myself?

On reflection, I am not sure why I didn’t like myself. I have always been extremely shy. I grew up in a very isolated environment, looking after my pop and grandma. They were my world. I guess I never developed on the social level like most people. So I simply shut myself off from everyone, becoming more isolated and insecure the older I got.

I decided to go on the Challenge after seeing it advertised through Guide Dogs. It seemed like a great way to see a part of the world I had always wanted to go, the pictures made it look easy and it seemed like a worthwhile reason to support a very worthy cause. However, not only did I find the fundraising was a lot of hard work, but the hardest part was yet to come.

I’d gone and booked myself on a Challenge, and I couldn’t hide anymore. I had to get out and meet people. I had to be the one doing the inviting. I organised wine tours, dinners and auctions. I had to force myself to go and talk to people, to open myself up, to not be afraid of being seen and to come out of hiding. My challenge had started before I’d even set foot out of the country. It became even more painful when I got to China and realised I no longer had a valid reason to hide away. I had to conquer my insecurities. I had to become someone I had never been in my life.

Physically, the trip was extremely difficult for me. At 140kg, walking such long distances during the day with little training hurt with each step. Every night I would tape my swollen feet and knees and cover the new blisters and sores appearing all over my feet with padding and bandages. This wasn’t a holiday. This was torture.

Aside from the trip being physically difficult, the greatest pain came from me acknowledging what my life had been like prior to the trip and the fact that for its entirety, I had hidden myself away. Most people I knew thought I had a great life and just didn’t have any time for them. Little did they know I kept myself prisoner behind the barriers of my own fear and insecurities.

I still get so nervous that I am sick before I go out. I still drive around and around before I can make myself get out and go in. But there is a difference. I don’t turn around anymore and go home. I go in. I am enjoying myself more. I don’t let myself stop and think too much or I will talk myself out of doing and going places. I don’t want to go back to the way I was. It would be too easy. It would have been easy to stop walking. The pain would have eased. But I would not have felt the sense of achievement, and the sense of self worth that I now feel.

Now, when I reflect on the trip and think about the Wall, the physical pain seems but a distant memory. I find myself remembering the beauty of the wall instead. I guess it has taught me that we have to go through pain in our lives to appreciate the beauty around us.

The pain from the mountain is a little different. There have been many things in my life that I didn’t think I could do. At 39, climbing the mountain is one of the first major things I have accomplished in my life, so the pain should stay with me forever. And I don’t really want it to go. It’s a constant reminder that no matter how bad a situation I am in, there are many others worse off than myself, and to get on with my own life. I guess it has taught me that when we go through pain in our lives and come out the other side with a smile, that we will be much better people for it, as I am now.

The pain was worth it. And I no longer fear it.

FRIENDS

One of my greatest weaknesses in life has always been that I feel I have to do anything to get a friend. I think it manifested itself in the way I have always been passionate about helping other people. It was the only way I received any recognition or appreciation in my otherwise unenthusiastic life. Considering the protective barrier I placed around myself, I don’t think I even had a real idea what a true friend was. Since the trip to China, I believe I am starting to realise. I believe that I have had many friends with me all my life, but I just didn’t know how to see or appreciate them.

On the trip, I constantly didn’t want to let anyone down because I saw myself as an embarrassment to others on the trip. I was very self-conscious about always being last and always being in so much pain. My insecurities were discernible every day in the nos, the I cant dos, the anguish and the tears.

However, there were a few special people who supported me on the entire walk. Although continually embarrassed, I was extremely grateful to have their company. Even when I cried and said I couldn’t do it, they believed in me. Even when I begged to stop, they didn’t doubt me. They kept me laughing and singing. They kept pushing me. They made me push myself. I was happy that for the first time in my life, other people thought I could do it, and I am forever grateful they wouldn’t let me stop.

I am now feeling a little more comfortable in asking other people for help. I realise that it isn’t embarrassing. I realise that to have people around me and having friends support me through the hard times is not something I should fear or be ashamed of. No longer do I just try and make friends with people so it gives me a feeling of self worth. No longer do I think I need to put on a face so that people like me. No longer am I afraid of what people think of me. I make friends with people so I can be there for them, knowing that they will be there for me when I need them. I have learnt not to take friends for granted. And I have also learnt that it’s okay to ask for help, be helped and not to be embarrassed.

Even though I may never again see some of the people I shared this journey with, it has highlighted to me that people do come into our lives for a reason. There were people on the trip who will always be a big part of my life, for without them being there during the hard times, I know I would never have made it. Not just in China. But in my future.

Thank you my angels.

DREAMS

Quite often we rush through life and miss out on special things, or even just the simple things. I realised this especially while walking on the Wall one day when the tour leader reminded us that the walk was not a race. That we would never be there again and that we should enjoy and savour every moment. I took the time to sit down and enjoy the view, soaking up the remarkable history in front of me.

Back in Perth, I find I want to enjoy my life more and I want to try new things. For the first time in my life I am inviting myself to places and events. I am reflecting more on what I want to achieve in my life and am setting goals to ensure these happen. All things I had never even tried in the past.

One of the greatest lessons I learnt from the trip is that I can get through the hard way and feel a total sense of achievement once I have completed it. No longer am I doing what is expected of me. Not in my work, nor in my personal life. I now have more control over my emotions.

I’m learning about myself. I’m trying to make decisions and stick with them so I don’t slip back into bad habits. I don’t want to go back to the way I was.

I am talking about the experience to anyone who wants to listen. Even to the ones who don’t. I have taken up a newspaper drop with my sister and walking every day. In two months, I have already lost 10 kg since arriving back home.

Now I am planning my next challenge to Ladakh in northern India in May 2007. One of the goals for next year’s trip is to help someone like myself to make it to the finish.

There is so much to be achieved by having a dream, and then living it.

COURAGE

Before leaving home, I didn’t believe I would complete the challenge. In fact, I never believed I could do many things in my life. No one else believed I could either. My upbringing did not encourage self confidence, and I guess the gene pool just doesn’t take into account our looks.

Looking at the photos of the mountain scared me shitless. I had a terrible fear of heights, unable to even climb a step ladder. Getting me to go up the Wall on day one was a challenge in itself as it was an extreme effort to even leave my room. I woke up every morning feeling physically ill and worried.

I remember a point on the mountain when I begged to stop. I didn’t want to let anyone down. But I was pushed until it was too far to go back. I dug deep as I figured that I hadn’t died yet so it wasn’t going to kill me, and I pushed myself to keep on going.

I’m not afraid of trying anymore, and am more open to giving things a go. I even mowed the lawn on the weekend, something I had never done before. It wasn’t so scary after all. I used to worry so much in the past about doing everything that I didn’t even give things a go because I was scared of failing or of being embarrassed.

But courage can take us to places that we never thought we might reach. I know. I’ve sat atop a mountain.

BELIEF

On the trip to China, I met someone who not only knew I could climb the mountain, but knew I had to climb that mountain. Somehow they knew that I needed to do this more than anything I’ve ever done in my life, for if I didn’t, I would never achieve anything.

They were right. For not only have I found the courage to give things a go, but I have an inner belief that I can do what looks impossible.

I still get scared, but I have learnt to not think things over as much as I did in the past. I make decisions a little easier. I don’t spend too much time anymore thinking about what others are thinking.

I like myself now. Most of my work colleagues think I’ve gotten tougher since China. I say no more often. That’s a start. I am more out there and going out more. I’m starting to put myself first.

I am starting to believe in who I am and what I can achieve in my life.

THE NEW PATH

So what has changed? After China, you can see I look at things very differently.

The biggest thing I gained from the journey is my new perspective on life. Through my own experience and journey I believe that we too often look at all the obstacles in our path to achieving our dreams. We make excuses. We believe it’s too hard. We blame our past. We don’t live enough in the now. We don’t appreciate the small things around us. We don’t ask for help when we should. We aren’t honest with our feelings.

But by having dreams and giving things a go, pushing through the pain when it happens, having the invaluable support of friends, finding our inner courage and believing we can do it, the summit of a mountain is achievable, even for a 140kg couch potato. Instead of looking at the bottom and considering all the obstacles in my way and saying I can’t do it, I remember what it was like to be at the top and looking back at what I had done. I know I can do it. Mowing the lawn was just the start.

I’m a work in progress. It’s why I’ve joined up to climb the Himalayas in 2007. I know that I climbed 5 500 steps in China and walked 80km of the Great Wall of China. I know I can walk plenty more on my journey within. It will be one step at a time.

My life is no longer lifeless. My life is now beginning. 

you bloody ripper!

A travel etching…

All of us are created equal, and it is only through birth or circumstance that some of us are not provided with equal opportunity.

When I travel, I don’t see the noodle shop owner as a noodle shop owner. I don’t see my waiter as a waiter. And I certainly didn’t see ‘Mr T’ as simply a tuk tuk driver during my two week stay in Phnom Penh. Rather than just expecting a service from them, I see all of these people as having thoughts, passions, life experiences and desires that I want to hear and allow them the opportunity to share.

On this particular day, after spending hours on the back of a moto, I invited Mr T out for dinner. Cut to scene – corner noodle shop, large vats of steaming stock filled with unknown offcuts, noodles and whatever may have flown in during the day for a tasty kamikaze swoop. I’d shared with Mr T over ten days about why I was back in Phnom Penh, why I wasn’t visiting “important” people and why I wanted to go out of the city on the back of a bike and get covered in dust, sleep on wooden slats in rural villages, delve into the slums and hang out on the streets at night.

We then talked about Cambodia, and all the changes that were taking place. And I’m not talking positive change. Thousands of people being displaced. Orphanages trading in prostitution. Tent cities. Crime. Food shortages. How could all this be happening in a country that receives some of the highest levels of aid than any other country on earth?

There was a sense of complacency about Mr T when he shared his thoughts about his personal future, and that of his country. There was expectancy that the powers that be should be making a difference. There was a degree of anger. Certainly frustration. Definitely uncertainty. After a couple of hours conversing over dinner and some chilled Angkor Beer, he put out his hand, palm up, and asked: “When will someone give me the power to do something?”. I grabbed his hand, turned it palm down, and simply said “You already have the power”.

Now I wasn’t talking power to change Cambodia, let alone the world. Rather, to change his own world, and perhaps take him from a level of complacency to a state of action for himself. It was all about the doing, and not the asking.

It was quite a humbling conversation: two people from two different worlds, two different experiences, two different opportunities, and yet one common thread – what can we do to make a difference in our own life? Whether or not we then correlate that to making a bigger difference is entirely up to the individual.

It is about recognising that before we can give to others, we must first give to ourselves.

It merely takes a twist of the wrist.

you bloody ripper!

Today, I found out about a competition. I’ve never been a good competitor: I shy away from ego and self-promotion. Perhaps I need to start using the word ‘I’ more.

But this is different. This is what I have already decided to commit myself to. This is what I believe I have to do. And it means I have to ask for help.

#blogforgood is being run by the #bloodyripper teams at @Telstra_news and @CBMAustralia who are on the lookout for someone to travel to Tanzania for a week and write about the experience. You can see the amazing work that CBM do across the globe here.

For me, it would not be about the travel – goodness knows at 42 countries, I’ve done a lot of it. This is about following my purpose and writing about difference. I’ve got my hands dirty for change in the past, and it’s time to now make them black. The real grit of what happens when an organisation makes a difference. The courage. The reality. The stories… not about the hands reaching out… but the ones about what hands can create when wrists are turned.

Change.

I can write. I can sketch. I can photograph. I can interview. I am willing to go wherever is needed, not bathe, sleep on the floor and commit myself to seven days documenting everything I sense.

So for all of you that have travelled with me, experienced life with me, worked with me, been inspired by me, I’ve helped or simply like what I have to say… please add a comment here why you think I should #blogforgood. 

If you tweet…I’m @youbloodyripper (follow me now… projects in the wings) and use the hashtag #blogforgood.

I’m on a mission.

To live a life of Purpose.

And I’m asking for help.

you bloody ripper!

Today, my feeds were filled with condolences, reflections and great sadness on the death of Jim Stynes.

If you haven’t heard of him, google will fill you in. The press releases, websites, and obituaries will be filled with a journey from talented Irish Gaelic footballer to Australian AFL champion, Victorian of the Year, Medal of the Order of Australia recipient, community campaigner, change maker, friend, much loved family man, cancer battler and inspiration who believed there was greatness in everyone.

Breath… yes, it was a big life condensed into a short timeframe.

The death of Jim Styne’s will make the news for quite some time. As will his incredible life. His AFL prowess will be recognised in lifetime honours, his children will grow up knowing he was a remarkable father and his dedication to changing the lives of young people will continue with the wonderful work of REACH. There is no question Jim deserves every accolade heralded as a result of his leadership, courage and inspiration.

Jim got me thinking….

We weren’t all born with the genetics of a great sports hero, artist, world leader, philanthropist or recipient of medals, honours and commendations. Our deaths may not make international news with a national outpouring of rest in peace and thanks.

Does that mean we should not want our lives remembered by the people whose lives we touched? For the small differences we make?

We certainly need to create a better planet for our children, but I think Jim’s death got me thinking about the need to shift the focus. The planet has been around for millions of years and has proven it can look after itself. We on the other hand, won’t be. What if we were to shift our focus to our children, inspiring them to become great leaders (from world to family), develop courage, foster initiative, thrive in community and commit to a cause and purpose. What if we stopped simply liking everything and used that force to create some real change – for ourselves and the future.

Jim had 45 years on this planet and certainly helped mould better children.

What if we could mould a generation of leaders, change-makers and individuals who lived with purpose, passion and commitment to the planet, its people and inter-generational equity.

Jim, you were right. We are all filled with greatness.

We don’t need a better planet for our children. We need better children for our planet.

you bloody ripper!

Today I helped with eight hours of admin. Soul-destroying crossed my lips. Not that I begrudged helping to get a much needed job done. It was just I’ve been doing that a bit lately and I really need to start getting on to what I need to do. Time to start asking for some of my own help.

You see, I’ve spent my time writing million dollar budgets and executing them. I’ve managed staff, I’ve done deals, I’ve been a million dollar sales consultant and I’ve dined with prime-ministers. What I’ve learned in 40 years, is that I don’t want, nor need, to work in an environment that is not conducive to my Purpose. Or has no purpose.

Right now, it’s a little tough as my Purpose doesn’t really align with making any money, hence the need to do some soul-destroying admin. Okay, perhaps I need to rephrase it to admin with purpose and the daily grind may not cause me so much angst.

And what’s this about Purpose? For me, it is working at a grassroots level. And it has a lot to do with the developing world. When I reflect on my life and the plethora of experiences that have made an indelible mark on my soul, it is the times I have had my hands dirty in piles of rubbish, building houses where there once were hammocks, where no tourists travel, where courage and survival co-exist… these are the times that have brought me most joy, internal and external.

Next week, I am pitching for entry into a 10 month mentoring program for a small vision that has the potential to create huge impact. It’s finally my turn to start asking for help: mentoring, marketing, finances and legals. The greatest request will simply be asking people to help turn on the light in Bangladesh.

Having travelled extensively around the world, I agree there is a lot to be said for education programs. However, when the reality is there are no jobs, basic survival needs some redirected focus placed on it. Since being told three years ago by a group of women in Barisal, Bangladesh (the ones in the picture) that all they wanted was light, I’m on a mission to set up a solar light micro-finance distribution centre back in Barisal, then to other areas of Bangladesh. No need to stop there: light is a valuable resource that can make a huge difference across the globe, and that darn kerosene just ain’t no good for anyone, or the planet!

This journey is still in planning phase, and with a desire to head over in monsoon season to produce an expose on the power of light, there’s quite a bit of admin to be done.

I’ve pulled together a few of my photographs from some of my journeys through Bangladesh, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam and China to get people thinking about how light is one of our most undervalued resources.

So on with planning, finding people to help and creating. I just have to remember it’s admin with purpose. The greater Purpose lies ahead.

you bloody ripper!

Have you ever met a person that lives life exactly the way they want to? A person who thrives on fun, generosity, health and constantly inspires others in their ability to exude pure joy in the pursuit of pleasure and experience?

Nic is one of those people. He makes people smile. He makes people believe they can do anything.

Critically injured in a kite boarding incident, Nic has severe head injuries and has been placed in an induced coma. This is where I ask for your help.

It would be really bloody ripper if you could send a positive thought to help pull him through. Healing energy does work, and along with the thoughts of his family, friends, anyone who has ever been inspired by him (me included) and your small thoughts of positive healing, Nic will continue to prove life is for living. He’d be going crazy doing nothing.

Repeat after me: “Nic, you really will hate the hospital food when you wake up. There’s much to be done, so get up and on with it. Positive vibes, healing and love heading your way”.

There is power in the mass.

you bloody ripper! (with your help)

Today I came across an old story I wrote on my last big travel trip to Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam and Bangladesh, 2.5 years ago. Here it goes:

My mum asked me yesterday, ¨are you enjoying your trip?¨

I certainly have a purpose for being here, but it certainly isn´t to enjoy. Having been to Cambodia in a previous life as a tour leader, I have seen the main tourist sites many times. I´ve enjoyed myself – hanging out in the hammocks at my favourite sunset bar, helping the locals plant rice, celebrating birthdays, house warmings and weddings, eating too much (do I count tarantulas and crickets as enjoyable), drawing with the children, laughing.

But this time I am seeing a side of Cambodia that as a tourist, you never have the opportunity to experience. Why would you seek out the slums, brothels, walk the streets at night and visit communes exuding extreme levels of poverty from every square inch.

The landscape on this trip is not so much the palaces, the temples, the wats or the countryside. Instead, it is an emotional landscape that has taken me on my own journey of reflection, appreciation, sadness, pride and joy. I have come to appreciate how, no matter how bad things can get in one´s life, that as human beings, we are strong. We can survive. And there will be opportunities presented to us that we can grab with both hands and create change in our lives.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I embrace life, and understands that I certainly don´t intend on living an idle life. There is too much to learn. Too much to experience. Life is a whole, it is a privilege and it provides us with a unique opportunity to find purpose.

I certainly haven´t always been like this. In fact, quite the opposite. However, I have travelled through a transition period and feel I am finally coming out the other side. I have been thinking about how I have changed, and I believe it is simply that I have taken responsibility for my life. The biggest opponent I have faced in the past has certainly been myself, but I now feel that I am no longer taking the corner option, but going into the ring with the fists ready to fight and to embrace whatever punches are thrown.

To others, I probably have an irrational level of optimism. I lack ordinary resentments and regrets – they waste too much time. There is no point in thinking that change cannot occur, for even in worst case scenarios – there is hope. Even here, in the depths of no hope, there is potential, there are gloves. I have seen it in the slums, the brothels, the communes.

Take Salin. At 19, she is the head of her family supporting her grandmother and four brothers – 19, 14, 12 and 5. Both of her parents died with Aids, leaving Salin with the responsibilities of income earner, cook, educator, gardener and head of her family. I first met Salin when visiting Chupvary, a remote village in north-west Cambodia. She has been embraced by the Hope Project and provided with an opportunity to learn sewing skills and be a part of a project providing uniforms to a number of schools in Phnom Penh. After a full day sewing, Salin heads home to prepare the dinner, work in the garden and care for her brothers and grandmother. Prior to being involved with the Hope Project, there was little hope and no opportunity for Salin. But now there are smiles. This is not about pity. This is about positive change and the provision of opportunity.

Salin´s story is not unique. Everyone here has a story – the Khmer Rouge ensured that the majority of families have a legacy of loss and hardship.

But as I walk around this new landscape, I can see the gloves coming out. I can see the hard work, the desire to win and the heads held high when victory is theirs.

For the organisations providing the gloves, theirs is a continual battle to educate, both foreigners and locals, about choices as much as it is about providing opportunity. A mother will earn more sending out her child to beg or sell books to the tourists than if she learned a new skill and sold the end product. Try and convince a mother to send her child to school and learn how to make handbags herself when double can be made with the child on the streets, all night. But what will happen when the child grows up? No more pity from the foreigners. No more income. And the cycle begins again.

No mum. This trip hasn´t been enjoyable. But it has been a remarkable journey and I can´t wait to hear about the next bout as I experience a night on the streets speaking with the children and hearing about what they want and how we can help, like Salin, in providing them some gloves so that they can go into their future with their own fists, ready to fight.

How has this story from the past, inspired me? My attempt at making a difference in the past failed. And not because I didn’t have the passion. It failed as I don’t do passive giving very well. And it took me a while for that realisation to kick me in the guts.

Finding this story reminded me that tangible giving definitely needs to be included in my planning and goals in the future. I need to get my hands dirty. I like a little sweat on my brow. And we all know sweat doesn’t happen without a little bit of hard work.

If you dare look, the past can provide inspiration to propel you into the future. What inspires you? What lights you up – inside and out? What provides you with purpose? Find those answers and instil them into your goals and daily life.

I don’t need a new year to inspire me. Sometimes the past can be the greatest source of inspiration from which to create. For it reminds us what we need to do…

you bloody ripper!

Today, someone said to me that a 0 on the end of a birthday means it’s important. I appreciate the sentiment. I really do. To me, it’s just another day. It’s another reason to be appreciative of the bloody rippers, the hues & emotions of the small things, the big things and the things that really matter.

Turning 40 does not have to be mid-life crisis time. For me, I’ve already made my commitment to self. I know what I should be doing and I’m working on it. So instead of curling into a foetal position and rocking in a corner as my life isn’t where I wanted it to be, during the 0.05 of this chapter, I’ve been reflecting on the 39.95.

39.95. No ordinary life. It’s tattooed on my body. It’s the way it has been and the way it will be. My worldview is based on one interesting, joyful, anxious, painful, exhilarating journey that has seen many coats, hats, people, places and experiences cross its path.

39.95. No ordinary life does not always equate to amazing. You haven’t always played nice. In fact, you’ve played downright dirty. I carry around a black coat that occasionally shrouds the colours underneath. There are some things that no one should have to go through. And yet we do. You have frustrated me. Exhausted me. Overwhelmed me. You have driven me insane, been unfair, unforgiving and at times, unrelenting in your desire to have me pushed to the limits mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes I’ve given up. I’ve shut people out. For years, I have struggled with not living a life totally 100% committed to self, joy and purpose. I admit my rollercoaster of emotions and deviations have been heightened by a number of personal challenges and neural pathways that I have worked hard to overcome and change. I’ve tried to force skeletons back into closets that have created turmoil and anguish. I have ten brothers and sisters and yet feel alone in a city of 4.1 million people. I grew up not encouraged to communicate and now am encouraged to limit my voice to 140 characters. Have we forgotten the power of communication to share, to create, to encourage, to build community? I fight to fit in to a place where many are uninspired, lack daring, are ego driven, materialistic, do little to support inter-generational equity and the opportunity we have to make a difference. It frustrates and confuses me when there is so much waste and so much need. I know it’s because of what I’ve seen and experienced and I do not blame nor push anyone to be different. But it discourages me. An energy that pushes us to have everything we want externally, detracts from our ability to find connection with self and deeply communicate with others. I have shut down when it all gets too much. Life has overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. Infact, it can, and has been, as black as a night sky, without the stars.

39.95. I am grateful for my upbringing which has developed my independence, courage and belief in self and others that circumstance may define part of us, but does not have to become us. I was school sports captain, not because I could swim or run, but because I wouldn’t accept can’t for an answer. I’ve experienced 42 countries and if I wrote a book, it would be filled with passion, people and a raw love of opportunity and life where every new corner and visitor has been welcomed. I’ve enjoyed fine dining with Prime Ministers and eaten tarantulas atop rubbish dumps with child scavengers. I’ve directed a 13 part television series and got lost in the narrow laneways of Silk Road towns. I’ve been a million dollar sales consultant and yet feel more comfortable building houses with my bare hands in impoverished communities.  I’ve drowned myself in paperwork managing projects and kayaked to work teaching kids how to snorkel and eat sea urchins in Crete. I’ve trekked with a woven cane basket on my back searching for icecream in the middle of rice terraces in China and made podiatry appointments for elderly residents of nursing homes. I’ve lived and worked in the home of multi-millionaires and spent the night in a room with a family of 11 in northern Laos, including the cattle. I’m an award winning public speaker and a seeker of meditative silence. I’ve managed travel agencies in Australia and nightclubs in the Shetland Islands. I’ve booked people on package tours and personally have searched out places where foreigners rarely tread. I had two picket fences at 22 but now value the simple life and its ability to enrich one’s soul. I wrote a bucket list at 18 and had crossed them all off at 36. I’ve been selected for leadership awards and yet feel more at home surrounded by village women in remote Bangladesh. I see beauty in the smallest things that happen in our day and the opportunity for perspective in our greatest challenges. I’ve dared people to believe in themselves and their ability to do what they feel they cannot. I’ve climbed three holy mountains in a week and challenged others to get up theirs, both physical and metaphorical. I value commitment along with the ability to always get back up, no matter how hard one has fallen.  I’ve lived and breathed purpose and passion with total joy. I appreciate that I’ve always had an inner spark, even when there have been no stars.

39.95. You have given me a life that has existed outside boundaries. I’ve seen, felt and experienced a breadth and depth of life that many never will. For I’ve pushed. I’ve fallen. I’ve stretched. I’ve dared. As a result, you won’t find rose coloured glasses hidden in any of my drawers: life is viewed with a kaleidoscopic perspective that swirls awesomeness and grief within the same cycle. Parts of my life have been forced upon me with the open palm of a lesson to be felt, learned from and conquered. Others I have searched out in the quest for living outside the boundaries, for in this space, there are no boundaries.

39.95. Thank you. You have definitely been no ordinary life.

So what about the .05 until Chapter 40 commences?

In five sleeps, I’m going to jump on a plane and hop over to Bali for a rendezvous with self.

Having travelled extensively, I had originally planned to head back to my first overseas destination and sit in a spa resort for five days to meditate, be pummelled, massaged and rejuvenate. It’s been a pretty big few years, and with my recent commitment to self that the universe is totally embracing, I need a break. I’m a wee bit tired, and a big bit excited for what lies ahead.

However, as I seek to live no ordinary life, so does the universe seem to have also committed to this journey with me.

It was soon after I booked my flight that my Dad came to Melbourne for a visit. Through tears, he told me a story that I had never heard before. This story has taken me from spa resort to woman on a mission, from little physical activity to four sessions a week at Virgin Active. It has taken me from massages to mountains, from solitude to a quest for discovery, from giving to self to giving to others.

You see, my Dad is a Vietnam Veteran. I don’t need to explain this difficult journey and the effect it has had over the years, simply to say that the impact of buried shrapnel from silent guns has consequences that never go away. You can read more about my thoughts about war in my remembrance post.

One night on my Dad’s visit, his first since military training in 1968, through tears, he shared a story with me for the first time.

“I may not have done much for any of my seven children, but I want to tell you what I did for one”.

After 39 and 3/4 years, I learned the story of Ketut, a seven year old Balinese girl who was the daughter of my Dad’s moto driver, Nyoman. Ketut was born with a cleft palate, and on a moto driver’s salary, the family was never going to be able to afford an operation.

Over the few weeks my Dad was in Bali, he got to know the family well, joining them for meals in their modest home and learning more about them as he travelled the island with Nyoman. He wanted to do more. So more he did.

He took the family to Denpasar Hospital and discussed the procedure with local surgeons before offering to pay for Ketut to have her cleft palate fixed. Dad sat through the operation and spent time with the family during the recovery process.

On his last day before departing Bali, Dad went to say goodbye to the family. With the deepest gratitude for the opportunity he had provided his daughter, Nyoman handed Dad his Indonesian driver’s license, and said: “when you come back, this is how you will find me”.

15 years later, my Dad slid Nyoman’s license across the table into my hands.

“I would like to know what happened to them. I’d like to close the chapter.”

As I listened to this story, the tears were as heavy as the rain on the roof of the Sandringham hotel. I was no longer spending five days in a spa retreat, but on a mission to provide purpose and closure for my Dad.

He needed to know that he’d made a difference to one person’s life.

With a fierce independence that rarely asks for help, this time I felt the need to reach out and ask. A friend had contacts in Bali, and I asked if there was any chance they could possibly assist in finding Nyoman.

The license was translated and the details sent to Bali:

Name: Nyoman Pegig

Sex: Male

Place of birth: Kuta 05-07-53

Married/Single: Married

Job: Entrepreneur

This little information was sent off with a big ask to the universe: please find them.

Soon after, mail arrived in my inbox.

“Great news. Our manager met your man today in Kuta. We have found him.”

I’m not so sure if the tears that followed were of joy, relief or release. Given all that has happened during 39.95, I’m self-diagnosing the latter. That and proof that the impossible is possible.

So, what’s next?

Chapter 40 is currently being drafted and will commence final copy on my return from Bali.

So far the sketchy details have me asking lots of questions:

Will Nyoman remember Handles, sitting with a giant teddy bear whilst the operation was undertaken? Is Ketut still alive? Will my Dad know that he made a difference to someone’s life?

No matter what the outcome, to have learned about this story and more about my father, will be worth the journey.  That and the all day spa treatments gratefully received after I climb Bali’s holiest mountain, Agung, at 3142m. Even if something internally has stopped me training, if it takes me all night, I will get to the top for sunrise on 40.0. It’s time to push. It’s no time for can’t.

Or is it?

For over 20 years, I have supported others in their visions. After some intense introspective archaeology over the past few years, I have admitted that I don’t need to tether any more onto security. Why, particularly when it frustrates me to the core. I don’t need to use my brain to its capacity doing work that does not make difference at a grassroots level.  I value the work others do designing projects that support those in need but I need to be getting my hands dirty. I don’t want to feel a sense of there’s more to be done when I can simply be, and do.

The first step towards doing has been letting go. I’ve taken off my shadow boxing gloves and am ready to take on the rest of my life. And so the decisions have come. Can’t has entered my life.

I’ve given notice where I live. On returning from Bali, I will commence a lead tenant position with Melbourne City Mission and will be moving into the outer suburbs of Melbourne to be a role model to a young person faced with challenging and complex issues.

I will continue with my Diploma studies in kinesiology and massage with the intention to set up a social enterprise where anyone can receive the benefits of complementary therapies, and in turn support others in need. Holistic wellness is a powerful tool that can help sustain us on our physical, emotional and spiritual journeys. My experiences and journey lay witness to the power of our inner source.

I have met someone who is challenging me, without even knowing what he is doing. His fearless determination to live a simple life enabling passions to replace daily routine, the exchange of soul-searching for self-awareness, and the volume with which his authenticity speaks, even in silence, has a magnitude greater than any mentor I have had in the past.

The biggest can’t is the fact that I’ve quit my job and from 01 July will be focussed on living life fully present on who I am, what I feel, how I respond and what I will create.

I’m saying can’t. Because now I can.

Since I was small and first picked up a pen, I always wanted to write. I still have my first book that I wrote in year two.  Instead of studying journalism after school, I deferred for the opportunity of working in politics. I skipped writing creatively, substituting it with marketing products and organisations that sold rather than told. I’ve put down my pen through illness and cognitive problems that have frustrated and reduced me to tears. Even writing this chapter has been difficult, but I’m determined to push.

Chapter 40.01 will see me picking up the pen again and following a belief that stories can inspire change: to self and others. The desire to do this makes every DNA cell in my body dance, and instead of saying can’t for the multitude of reasons I have found excuses for, now is the time for saying yes. It is time to get my hands dirty and explore the passions and purpose behind why people make a difference.

I have had the privilege of having some amazing people join me on the journey, and it is their stories I wish to share. As one of them said to me a year ago when I queried his commitment to his work of making a difference, despite the hurdles and difficulties that he is faced with every day: “what other option is there? Curling up in a corner and rocking in a foetal position because I have no purpose?”

39.95. I know myself and feel empowered. I accept myself and feel invincible. I am ready to walk in my destiny and live my Tina Manifesto of gratitude, purpose, passion, belief, compassion and no ordinary life.

I own my life.

you bloody ripper!