Hospital waiting rooms are not usually a place you want to focus on sound, particularly when you’re sitting there by yourself.

Let’s face it – there’s not much joy to be found in the flipping of year old magazines, tapping of fingers, unspoken fear, waiting and silence.

Rewind. Time to go back to last week’s meditation: take a mindful moment and pause.

Breathe. Deeply.

Grateful for last week’s Mindful in May practise of the power of breath, focus on the in and out deep into the diaphragm, intake of mindfulness and reminder of F@*% off worry. I think I’ll be focussing a lot on the breath over the next three weeks of results waiting.

When the outer silence is overwhelming, I am grateful for the inner silence.

you bloody ripper!

Today I saw a rainbow.

I was tempted to stop and sit and meditate and dream about the pot of gold at the end.

What really is on the other side? Are there only illusions? With so much happening in my life right now, somebody had to hear my wish and answer it.

I shut my eyes and for 30 seconds, breathed. Deep, long, count to ten breaths. It was then I realised for all those years Kermit was right.

I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it
There’s something that I’m supposed to be

Meditation is a way to reach the pot of gold inside all of us… lovers, dreamers and me. You just have to stop and listen.

To be sure, to be sure.

you bloody ripper!

Fairfield Station is hands down the best train station in Melbourne. Ok, well I do admit these ten fingers haven’t been to every train station in Melbourne, so it’s fair to say this statement is based merely on my experience and not that of the rest of Melbourne. But as far as commuting goes, I’m glad when I need to train it anywhere, Fairfield is my choice.

What makes Fairfield so special? There’s no question it’s the fabulous station hosts, Stephen and Sharon. They organise book swaps, garden makeovers, ramp up the music while you wait and always have a smile and genuine willingness to help.

On an overcrowded platform with yet another train delay, it’s about community.

For a change, I can’t blame Metro for missing my train. Instead, I think word has got out about how good our hosts are, and the ever increasing limitations on car parks saw me walking for 20 minutes to get to the station.

Knowing I was going to miss a scheduled appointment, I made a call to let the clinic know I would be late, had a quick chat with Sharon about the limited car parks and sat back…. on a nice warm blanket.

It’s the little touches.

With another 20 minutes until the next train, I plugged in to this week’s Mindful in May meditation. The autumn chill sucked deep into my diaphragm, soon kickstarted the para-sympathetic (the rest and reset) nervous system and over the next ten minutes, I let the tension from the long walk and missed train disappear down the train line… back to Hurstbridge with you. You’re not coming to the city with me.

As the next train pulled in and I yelled a big thanks for the blanket with an equally big smile in return, I realised how mindful Stephen and Sharon were about their jobs and the station, as well as the consequence of a happy commuter community.

To you both, thank you for the blanket. And thank you for showing how being mindful of the little touches, really does make a huge difference in someone’s day.

Whose mood will you shift with a blanket?

you bloody ripper!

Afters years of helping others with their projects and visions and subsequently making a choice to step back and get my projects off the ground, I find myself in the position of reconnecting with my right brain. It’s been quite an interesting process as my poems, sketches and writing simply flow. There’s little thought. The lines are drawn and the words have appeared on the page without any focus or effort.

I’d been invited to a shodo class a couple of months ago, however with quite a bit going on, had been unable to attend. Finally, I managed to make my way to the other side of Melbourne and partake in my first lesson, learning the principles, technique and style of Japanese calligraphy.

Being mindful is an important part of the shodo process, with each stroke being drawn whilst focussing on the rhythm of the breath. The characters need to be done in correct order, direction and alignment and you’ll quickly learn that if you’re thinking about the football results or big to do list waiting for you at home, you’ll easily lose the flow of order, an important component of the shodo process.

Given there was currently a super moon in the sky and I’d brought a beautiful meditative shakuhachi flute CD to play in the background called Moon, it was quite apt the character we were learning was moon. Four simple strokes. Learning to combine stroke, direction, technique, breath and focus… not so simple. By the end of the class, I was hooked, and headed off to nearby Fuji Mart and Eckersley’s art store to purchase everything I needed to practise at home.

I understand only too well how mood can effect output and that night, I decided to do an experiment. To see if this translated to the artist’s brush, before doing each picture, I imagined a different aspect of my life. The fear of a hospital visit next week, love for someone, the excitement of a publisher’s email, a recent assault incident and overcoming five months of tough pain… I sat mindfully on each period for a short while, took a deep breath in and 10 seconds later had the end result.

Although each completed piece represents the same word, it also represents a piece of my life over the past few months and the difference in stroke is certainly evident. I didn’t aim to write an angry, strong or softer image. It was the thought I evoked that allowed the image to flow.

This little experiment highlighted not only the process of producing a piece of art, but the beauty of shodo is that it captures a moment in time, including the thoughts and emotions you hold with you in that very moment.

As I write, I think this not only occurs on paper, but in so many other aspects of life. Learning to be mindful that our emotions can and do impact output can certainly assist in our relationships with others and self.

Before I had that last conversation that didn’t end so well, I should have been thinking about my weekend as a bubbleologist and not being thrown against a wall, hospital and an impending court hearing. The end result would definitely have been so different. And yet, like a shodo stroke, that moment in time can produce something quite different.

It’s timely this week’s Mindful in May focus is on the breath, also an important component of shodo. After each meditation I plan to produce a new image of moon. Let’s see what comes up and what moments I can capture with the combination of breath and stroke.

I offer a special thank you to Colin and Kazue Lim for introducing me to the beauty and internal inspiration of shodo. To Dani for sharing her positive energy, calmness and expression in the space. And to the beautiful Kim Wood of Metta Scents for providing such a special place in which to learn and create. I’m certain the sensory overload from the finest incense and oils from across the globe certainly added to the serenity and calming effect of the meditative shodo process.

Like the brush into ink, now that I’m more mindful of breath and thought in the production process, let’s see what I can produce in my life. Guaranteed no two days will be the same.

Time for a dip into flow… on and off the paper.

you bloody ripper!

It’s not too late to sign up for the Mindful in May half marathon! If you’re in Melbourne and want to learn shodo, contact Metta Scents to find out more.

Collision I was written as an all nighter after a poetry workshop, the words flowing from a part of me I’m only now starting to find and trust. Having dived some pretty amazing waters around the globe I’m only too well aware there’s some pretty impressive beauty to be found at depth. As well as a whole lot of fear. This poem reached both.

Having been to my first poetry slam a month prior, I was inspired to rewrite Collision as a performance poem. A few hours of mindful flow and a few deep dives later, Collision II was complete.

Not having stepped on a stage since I was at school, with a number of derailments happening around me, a few things needed to be given a voice. It was time to reclaim I.

Where have words taken you?
The recesses of a dark alley

Where no light shines?

Centre stage?

Words inspire thought and

Thought creates words.

Blank space left for the

Unsayable

Unspeakable

Deniable.

Wordless.

(PAUSE)
Space.

Speaks.

Loud.

One stumble, one step
One fall, one rise
I hear your cries.
Life’s slopes are not always slippery
They are simply steep
Keep going. Up.
So that a path may be revealed before you

And the net will catch you when you leap
Because YOU were born

And YOU will learn most from situations

YOU
Did not choose

Never forget yourself
And YOU shall not lose.
Where there is space

There is thought.

And where there is need

Don’t just do something,

Stand there.

Give voice to the voices

Silenced by the lies and secrets

Of untold paths

Injustice

Untruth


And words not told.
The smack sellers
sleep in the park

Their pain perhaps

Not quite fully understood

By the family dwellers

Next door

Nor the system
That opens the doors
Then slams them in their face. Less.
Will their mothers keep inviting them back

Again and again and again

Maybe not.

Do they even know they’re there?

Do they even care?

How do I know you are who you say you are

When you lie only to yourself.

Have you been telling secrets that

You

Should not have been told?

Or is your history
A mystery you feel compelled to withhold?
Don’t tell anyone.

I can’t tell anyone.

Vulnerability.
Will apology provide tranquility?
I’m not even sure you would want to hear the truth?

I want to listen to you.

I am trying to listen to you.

I still am listening to you.

I really want to listen to you.

What if she was your daughter?

I don’t want you to listen.

I need you to hear.

Lost in the abyss of first world problems

Old world dreams.
And too great a list of needs
Sprouting seeds
Of discontent
Disillusion
Darkness under the surface
Lack of purpose
Greed.
Social media creating
Social erosion
I plead.
With your lips and not your fingers
Talk to me.
Does your life make you feel content?
Is there a way to evoke an internal revolution
To support our evolution.
Sorry
There is no lock and key solution
Besides…
Why do we feel the need

To resolve a human story

Can it not be simply lived?

Without sanitising
Apologising
Categorising
Revitalising
Idolising
Systemising
Analysing
Criticising
Internalising
Glamourising
Compartmentalising
(PAUSE)
Ignoring.
Is painful paradox

What is needed

To make us change?

Sanitised death or the

Unsanitised experience

Of a life fully lived

Through love and pain

Experience and shame

Mistakes and battles fought
With head held high
Sharing no blame
Before you frame me in a box
I proclaim
And officially reclaim
I.
(PAUSE)
too

Cry in the bathroom

With a black coat hiding

The colour underneath.

Coraggio!

When words take you somewhere

Do they really take?

Or do they give?


you bloody ripper!

This week’s meditation has been a body scan. In a snapshot, for the past five days, I’ve lay down, monitoring the sensations in my body, being mindful of any thoughts that may pop in and simply letting them go. As I’m totally committed on training my body and mind to become stronger, this technique goes a long way in supporting my goal to develop more focussed attention.

But of all the weeks to have to focus on the body, it had to be this one. I arrived back from Queensland just prior to the commencement of Mindful in May, and was covered in sandfly bites. The itch drives me insane. Why this week did I have to focus on the insanity?

Direct your attention to the feet. The toes, the spaces between the toes, noticing any sensations that are present to the feet.

Aagh! Could I not sign a waiver to opt out? 14 bites on my left foot alone forced me to miss the rest of the meditation. Scratching bites took over from scratching thoughts. All of my attention went to the itch and I couldn’t seem to move on to the rest of the leg, let alone making it all the way to the head. The first couple of days were tough.

Now at day 5, I’ve finally managed to get through the ten minute meditation… mindfully. The shift came when I mindfully pushed my attention away from the itch. Rather than being in auto mode and instantly scratching, making the sensation stronger, I carefully followed Elise’s voice as she took me from the foot to the ankle, lower leg and taking me on a weaving journey across my body.

By the end of the meditation, I was not even aware of the itching. I’d let it go.

As I write this, I wonder how many other negative, annoying and frustrating people and areas of our life we focus on which only causes unnecessary aggravation. What if we shifted our mindful approach to all of these and let them go rather than dwelling? Would they too go away if we simply shifted our focus to the present?

All day, I’ve had a frustrating issue that’s been bothering me, act a little like a bite. I’ve scratched it so much with self-talk that it’s certainly been blown way out of proportion. I’m going to opt for the body scan approach, letting it go and placing it in the diary to resolve on Wednesday. My attention has now shifted back to the present moment and after a big day, I’m ready to pop into bed and continue on my mindfulness challenge.

Already, the focus on the itching has been let go. After a full day workshop and a hard gym workout, let’s see how my body has held up and try and release that tension sitting in the right shoulder.

And let it go…

you bloody ripper!

I recently went to a smoothie workshop run by Life Elements. In search of some food and lifestyle changes to help replenish an overburdened adrenal system, the workshop reignited my love of natural whole foods.

It was time for food to help me become whole again.

Yesterday, I went to Naturally on High in Thornbury and purchased all the ingredients for my dream smoothie.

As this was my first ever non ordinary smoothie (you know… the berry/yoghurt/banana ones… ho hum), I thought it a great chance to do my ten minute mindfulness workout while preparing and drinking the goodliness of my creation. The aim was to let any other thoughts that popped into my head, go.

If I thought about my creative projects, people, to do lists, not to do lists… they were gone. There was just going to be me, a collection of ingredients, knife and my blender. And those taste buds had better be ready for a serious new taste sensation.

Chop. Measure. Grind. Pour. Slice. “I can’t believe I’m putting in an entire packet of spinach.”

Given the state of my life for the past few months, Mindful in May has come at a very appropriate time. As I separate the parts of my life and begin to plan for some exciting new ventures, I actually feel like I’m in some ways combining all the parts of my life to create one very delicious, wholesome, energising future.

But back to the spinach – seriously, a whole packet. Did mindfulness manage to help me savour the flavours of my green concoction?

I felt like my mouth was the backdrop for a Batman and Robin scene… there were so many kapows going on inside. I’d put just enough cacao to give a hint of chocolate, the banana helped balance the spinach, the coconut water and butter made me feel like I was back in Thailand and the nutty sunflower and almond islands floating with their date cousins added a dash of exotic surprises. Each mouthful was savoured, slurped slowly and swallowed softly.

Those wandering thoughts that intended to sabotage my green goodliness were gently told farewell, come again another day.

As I washed up the blender, I realised how much I’d probably missed every morning meal I’ve ever eaten. I like to sleep in. I usually rush around. I hate being late. I’m always at work or meetings on time. But I’d never sat down and mindfully consumed any breakfast. I need to eat, read the paper, plan for the day, think of the person I didn’t call yesterday and remember who I had to meet tomorrow. Who has time to think about the taste of their poached eggs, rolled oats, cocoa pops or bacon and egg mcmuffins?

Tonight as I write this post, I think the mindfulness smoothie creation and tasting helped me to slow down my entire day. I didn’t commence the day in a rush. I didn’t think about anything I had to do. And yet, I managed to get everything on my list done, make an awesome slow-cooked vegetable soup, bake banana bread, send a concept submission for two creative projects to a publisher, get to the gym and commence planning for the next few months. And have one seriously energising drink that tasted just too darn good to be filled with spinach.

I owe it to you mindful smoothie. You were such a smooth operator of stillness in the morning, I was so much more proactive than I have been in months.

This could be an interesting month.

you bloody ripper!

This post is part of my series for the Mindful in May challenge.

And what was in it : a few dashes of coconut water, a nice dollop of coconut butter, a little maca/cacao blend, few drops of agave, two dates, half a banana, crushed sunflower seeds and almonds, super big dash of almond milk and yes… a whole packet of spinach!

This month I’ve signed up to pause for a cause and have joined a one month meditation campaign, Mindful in May.

With a number of turbulent events happening in my life, a few weeks ago I was having difficulty sleeping. At 3.30am I felt the urge to pick up my iphone and within 15 minutes had typed my first ever poem. I then drifted off into a very deep sleep.

I’m still not sure exactly where Core came from, but sometimes what we need is shown to us from sources external to ourselves. Or perhaps in this case internal. I obviously needed to get back to core.

A few days later, I head about the Mindful in May campaign and was excited there was an opportunity for me to commit and redevelop a habit and connection with mindfulness. I sent Core off to the beautiful founder of MIM, Elise Bialylew and was honoured to be asked if the poem and my profile could be included in a future newsletter.

In appreciation of Mindful in May, this month’s blogs will be dedicated to mindfulness. Every second day, I will share my daily experiences of mindfulness. At the launch, we were given a journal with a specific focus each week, including being mindful of the body, breath, sounds, thoughts and others. As I normally pay attention to the small stuff (this blog is filled with it) I’m expecting to take the awareness to another level: to really feel and notice the sensations, thoughts and feelings of everything I do.

As to my thoughts on meditation? Here’s my response to Elise’s questions:

1. What led you to meditation?

With a right brain permanently on overdrive, for most of my life, my relationship with meditation has mostly been stop/start/stop. That was until 2008 when I was given a long-term diagnosis by a specialist. Rather than taking his words as gospel, I packed my bags and relocated to the country for 12 months. One day I was rugged up and when hearing a knock, struggled to the door. That opening changed my life, not only helping me to manage my symptoms, but the anxiety of not being able to do what I wanted to do. Behind the door, was a neighbour who also was a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) facilitator who just happened to be commencing a new course the following week. The eight week program helped ground me during a difficult time and the tools that I learned have proved invaluable ever since. I’d like to go back and tell that specialist instead of telling patients “life will never be the same” to direct them to other forms of wellness practices, like meditation, that can support people not only through difficult periods, but in every day life. I’d also like to tell him something else, but I don’t think I can write that here

2. What value has practising meditation brought to your life?

I must admit that I do still stop/start/stop. Although it is definitely a little less on the stop side and a little more on the STOPP (stop, take a breath, observe, proceed, practise) side. My right brain still wanders. My emotions still run a marathon most days. But by developing skills in mindful body awareness, I am learning to stop myself before the situation gets out of control. I have recently been through a number of stressful situations, and have filled my days with some long periods of silence to help reground and take back control.

Mindfulness is not about living in the now, but being in the now. It is about constantly drawing your attention back to what you are doing. I think people confuse that. You can be mindful while writing a business plan for a future project or reflecting on a past stressful time in your life. Mindfulness is being aware of what you are doing at any given time, and giving your attention to that. Guaranteed you will do a better job and enjoy things more if you’re not thinking about what you have to do tomorrow. Your relationships will be stronger, you will get more done and life will be so much more greater when you allow yourself to appreciate and observe everything that happens in your day.

3. How has meditation supported you in your professional life?

I find this a little more difficult as you may be able to control yourself, but it is more difficult when others are involved. When you are around others who don’t understand mindfulness, it is not easy to be influenced by their needs and pressing requirements. Others believe they are mindful, and yet are influenced by their iPhones letting them know there are messages/tweets/things to do… even when you are meeting them. I’d like to say that my mindfulness practise extends fully into my professional life, however, I do struggle with this. Like anything you want to be good at, you need to keep practising, so next time I want to rip someone’s phone away from them when in a meeting, or when someone says they’ll do something and they don’t, I just need to be more mindful of my response. And learn to mindfully let go.

4. What are the biggest obstacles to your practice? 

Learning how to manage your response, both internally and with communication, when others are constantly living a life behind or in front. I haven’t quite got there yet, but I continue to work on it.

Also, if I need some serious meditation time, I quite often withdraw from the world. With a world that continually takes us away from ourselves, it is not always so difficult to raise the hand for time out. It means educating those around you that you need space and your world doesn’t revolve around a phone or social media. I’ve written about this when I cleared my inbox to 0.  It’s still at 0 by the way. I’ve also started turning my phone off for 24 hour periods. It’s certainly a hands on the wheel approach to taking back control and clearing the road for getting things done more efficiently when you come back online. The world doesn’t stop. But you can.

5. What is a quote that most inspires you and why?

Quotes don’t particularly inspire me. Life does.

But I would like to share this poem that I have in my home office that was given to me during the MBSR course.

It’s about facing your fears so you don’t have to spend the rest of your life being afraid.

Because fear and regret are two of the saddest words in the English language.

Suppose what you fear
could be trapped
and held in Paris.

Then you would have the courage
to go everywhere in the world.
All the directions of the compass
open to you,
except the degrees east or west
of true north
that lead to Paris.

Still, you wouldn’t dare
to put your toes smack dab
on the city limit line.

And you’re not really willing to stand on a mountainside
miles away
and watch the Paris lights
come up at night.
And just to be on the safe side, you decide to stay completely
out of France.

But then danger
seems too close
even to those boundaries,
and you feel the timid part of you
covering the whole globe again.

You need the kind of friend
who learns your secret and says,
“See Paris first.”

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

To really have the best chance at living this life, you really need to understand what the essential is. The Little Prince encourages the reader to explore themselves and the outside world to find purpose, colour and the essentials of our individual life. As we grow up, we lose the exploring eyes of a child. What better way to find them than through an explorative narrative of the human experience via a children’s book.

And via mindfulness.

7. What mindful music do you listen to (ie. music that grabs your full attention and brings you into the moment.) 

Soul sung from soul inspires me. Anything sung from a place of self encourages the listener to reconnect and be mindful of self. Lately, I’ve been listening to Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu.

The right brain still works in overdrive and is stimulated by all creative outlets. I’m trying to teach myself the keyboard and I find that it does allow my mind to freeze frame, focussing on the chords and what music I can create. I also started sketching last year, and find this one of the most powerful forms of meditation for me. I don’t use an eraser, so I find the half hour I may spend doing a sketch completely transforms my mind to one of stillness as I focus on the image and seeing what I can create. At the end of the sketch I often wonder how I did it, particularly as I don’t seem to think… it just seems to flow.

There’s nothing more life-changing to find a form of meditation that totally brings you into the moment, allows your entire body and mind to flow and hits both the defrag and reset buttons all in one go.

So that’s why I’ve signed up for Mindful in May. A BIG thank you to Elise and Jenny for developing and facilitating such a wonderful initiative. I hope through my posts you may be encouraged to find out a little more about mindfulness – Mindful in May is certainly a wonderful starting point.

I’m excited about the extra small sensations and observances I am about to experience.

Actually, I think all those small things are only going to make my days a whole lot bigger.

you bloody ripper!

Got my teeny bag packed and I’m ready to go.

What? You’ve got a sleeping bag, clown pants, Elmo t-shirt and your butterfly hat is making a comeback? And they’re all in that bag?

It’s time for random and ridiculous to make a comeback!

I’m off to NSW on a road trip with four strangers, volunteering with Dr Froth at the Incredi-Bubble Festival in Corowa.